But it’s been amusing me in the airport, so have if you want it:

Python script that’ll grab a random message from your Gmail account

If you have an account that’s all old archived mail, it’s probably more entertaining.

Thanks to this, I’m able to easily view and search some of my very old mbox-format email. Here’s one I just looked at from 2/15/03:

At the end of this segment on Cops in which this cop dresses up as a clown and solicits prostitution, this crack whore gets arrested. They keep the audio going on the bust while the camera follows one of the clown’s balloons floating off into the sky, alone.

I bet the director was proud of that poignant Cops moment.

I like Google Voice primarily because it transcribes voicemails for you, so that you can just read the message instead of having to listen through an audio message. Generally, it’s pretty good. But once in a while you get a thing like this in your inbox:

Hi James, My name is [redacted], I’m calling from K. M. A, D L more a mobile application solutions provider, we do a lot of pics big projects and then contract works ticket weekend and only in the mobile ups, based engineers and I’m calling you as I. I’m looking for a couple I’ve phone developers mcpherson, hey this is. Would pretty good, pretty strong experience I. I know what’s up bro. A few years in here, but I have a project on in South Boston and I was wondering if you were available if you were still contacting so I just thought I just wanted to connect and then start building a partnership with you.

Value-add, bro! Google Voice just formed a partnership with recruiter-talk – which is already fucked up to begin with – to take it to the next level!

Also, I am mildly impressed by the capitalization of “South” in “South Boston.”

“Nowadays, if you say something funny or smart, you’ll hear someone say to you, ‘Oh yeah, what’s that from?’ And you’re like, ‘I made it up motherfucker.’”

–The RZA

I planned on making an album this month for Hometaping. You can see where this is going. I started putting riffs down a couple weeks ago, but not until this weekend did I start putting together a song. Surprise – not a lot of those riffs fit together. Many weren’t even good on second listen.

I was determined to get at least one song done, though, by hook or by crook. And I did. Here it is:

Swim Fish

It’s got good parts, and it’s got flaws. I’d definitely do the vocals over if I could. I wrote the lyrics tonight, then only had a short window of singing time, so I lived with what I got. I do feel good that I’ve shaken of some music rust pretty quickly, however.

Speaking of lyrics, here they are. They’re about a fish and his problems.

Swim Fish has
The power of swim
To go in the water and move

Let it go

So I saw this on everyone’s favorite TUF loser’s blog:

Weight cutting is just a part of the sport and as with all sports known to mankind, people will try to push the envelope to get any edge possible. No matter what rules you put in, people will try to push it. The governing body for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu tournaments, for example, uses a system where you weigh-in right before your matches. I’m seeing more and more people with sauna suits on before their matches and while the intent of the rule is to level the playing field, again, people will try to find that edge.

I always thought that weight cutting was a ridiculous waste of effort and time that doesn’t really have anything to do with fighting. He’s right in that people will try to get an edge no matter what, but how much weight can you really cut and then get back in five minutes using a sauna suit?

To me, this sounds like a good system that should be used everywhere.

Katt: Who is Samuel Johnson?

Me: Looks like he was a poet, essayist, moralist, novelist, literary critic, biographer, editor, lexicographer, conservative.

Katt: So, today, he’d be a blogger.

Katt: I have a great idea for something that we can’t actually make happen.
Katt: A The Wire spinoff buddy comedy featuring Stringer and Wee-Bey!
Katt: We’d learn about economics and fish.
Me: They’re roommates!
Katt: I was thinking they’d drive around solving crimes? Or causing them, I guess.
Me: yeah, String’s going to school and is very serious, but Wee Bey works at the pet store and has a more relaxed attitude!
Katt: Oh yeah!
Katt: He’s always eating cheese fries and shooting people.
Me: Oh, I thought they’d just try to make in the work-a-day world!
Me: Yeah! He hates it when they run out of potatoes.
Katt: Maybe they move to a new city and get straight.
Me: Like Madison, Wisconsin.
Katt: Why’d you shoot the manager at Arby’s, Bey?
Katt: and he’d shrug and everyone would laugh knowingly.
Katt: Da-da-da-da-dah!
Me: How you gonna not give Bey his Horsey Sauce.
Katt: But Bey, they got them in little packets by the napkins! You coulda just turned around.
Me: [laugh track!]

Dan: man, finally! google chrome has a mariah carey theme
Me: I was bothered by the 10% of my browser real estate that was not Mariah Carey-related.
Dan: since te other 90% is pretty much dominated by her
Me: Exactly.
Dan: i would guess the intersection of google chrome users and mariah carey fans is pretty small
Me: Mariah fans love speed and conformance to standards, though.
Dan: yeah, doesn’t she have a song about sandboxing each tab?
Dan: man, all the new themes seem reall geared to teenaged girls
Me: I think it’s called “Don’t U Bring Down My Browsa (Just Cuz 1 Process)”.
Dan: hahah
Me: American Apparel? Gah.
Dan: heh, these new themes have me thinking that maybe i am using the wrong browser
Me: Uh, oh.
Dan: i am using a daily dev build of chromium on a beta release of ubuntu linux, i should not be seeing flowery, girly web browser themes!
Me: There should be, like, gears and that one calculator font they used in the eighties to represent high technology!
Dan: and everything should use the star trek font

Guy carrying several plastic bags that crossed the street with me: The nerve of these people and their goddamn cell phones!

Me: Yeah.

Guy: You know they’re talking SHIT!

Me: Ha. Probably.

Guy, now kinda following me: Probably?! Definitely!

Guy: I’m gonna go home and smoke a FAT TREE!

Me: Oh. Nice.

Guy: Stay away from that beer! That shit’ll hurt ya!

 
 
Woman at corner, overheard a few seconds later: “So, then I wrote him a check, but he used that check to pay his ‘boo’ for a phone bill, ya know?”